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Life

Starts and Stops and Starts and Stops and Starts and Stops

Already I feel like a failure as I type this…….

I just knew that this would happen. I knew I would let life take over and, you know, put the blog on the back burner. I knew it and in my head I warned myself over and over and over….but mommy didn’t listen. Eeeek I’m so disappointed in myself.

It all started during the holidays. I kept telling myself “you need to write, you need to write, you need to write!” But I let the stress of the holidays get the best of me. I was so worried about doing my little man’s first Christmas right all the while worrying about getting Christmas right for everyone else in my life. I would be lying to say if it wasn’t a tad bit overwhelming for me.

To add to the mix, James ended up projectile vomiting all over my parent’s dining room floor on Christmas Eve. Or was it Christmas day…. damn I don’t remember! But whatever day it was…. he had what Adam and I term as a “polterJames” aka projectile vomit that looks like the stuff right out of a really bad 80’s low budget horror movie. I remember thinking “What the hell is this?!?!” Even though I had a similar experience with Tegan when she was a wee little one.

Ok now I remember, this happened on Christmas Eve.

So, later that evening when we were back home, another polterJames happened. And then another. Then James spiked a fever. Oh! And James wasn’t keeping any of his food down. So…. guess what, we took James to the Children’s hospital. On Christmas Eve. It was the saddest thing I ever saw. All these adorable little children in their Christmas PJ’s waiting in the ER. James would have had his Christmas PJ’s on too but on top of the polterJames and fever, he was also having explosive polterJames out his rear. Poor kid. All of them. Poor kids.

So, to make a long story short, let’s just say that we didn’t leave the hospital until 4am in the morning and we probably didn’t get to sleep until around 5:30’ish that morning. And like all little children on Christmas Day…. James just couldn’t let his parents have their Christmas wish and sleep in.

So, there’s that.

Fast forward a week.

It’s time for me to start back with my classes. I was working on my MSN/MBA, taking online classes with a college that I shall refrain from naming. And did you notice, I used the word “was”. Let me tell you what happened……

It was the first week of classes. Like any good student, I was eager to get started. So, I don’t know if any of you have ever taken an online class before but usually the first week of class includes introductions. Mine went something a little like this…. “Hi everyone! My name is Melinda and I’m a nurse from Ohio!” Blah blah blah blah……nothing to it. Mindless crap about myself, right?! Well, after my introduction post I went to start on my first actual assignment…..thaaaaaaat was due that night. And you can scold me all you want for procrastinating…but this **it’s hard when you’re home alone in the evening with an infant! As I started to begin working…the little boy I had thought I put to bed decided it was time to scream and cry like never before. Immediately I told myself, I can’t do this …. better not even try…. You’ll start, won’t be able to finish and then fail. Why is my inner voice such a Debbie downer???

I decided to drop the class.

So, to make another long story short, let’s just say that when I called to drop the class I was told I would be charged a 10% fee for participating in the class, no if’s, ands, or buts. I was livid. And when I get angry, sometimes I let my mouth get the best of me. In this situation, it did. I ended up telling the poor innocent girl on the other end of the line that I no longer wanted my name on their roster because I didn’t want to be associated with a money hungry school like there’s. I also demanded that they remove the 10% fee and that I speak with her manager. At that point I was told that my only option was for them to have the manager call me back and I instead suggested voice mail, in which I was transferred to, and in which I let my mouth get the best of me even more. If by some twist of fate that person is reading this…. I’m sorry…it was all out of frustration. But I still don’t want to be a student at your school!

So now I am no longer a grad student. I feel good about it too. I’ve found another program that I am much more interested in from a school with a much better reputation so once I feel I’m at a good spot with James I will apply. And I’ll be even happier because it will be better. Kudos to me!

Soooooo……what else?

Oh, I know! Two more ear infections for James! One of those times he was prescribed Augmentin. Ugh! That was awfulness in a bottle. My poor little man. He hated it with all his little might. He fought Adam and I so hard every 12 hours when his 5ml’s of pure nastiness was due. And on top of that his little bottom was so red and sore from the number this stuff did on his bowels. To be specific, what the number “2” did to his bowels. Thankfully, the last round of antibiotics James received for this most recent ear infection was not nearly as bad. Poor little boy.

I know I could write more. But my mind is going blank now. So much has happened and I’m exhausted. That’s why I am just now typing this. I literally feel exhausted. I have thought long and hard about this. And even though I have disappointed myself…. I’m not going to beat myself up over it. Life is full of ups and downs. That’s why it’s called life! So, I’m going to try harder to stay on top of my writing. I do enjoy it, I really do. And I need to do this for myself. Let this be a lesson to myself. If you fall…don’t let it define the rest of your path. Just start over! And you know what…. you can start over as much as you want! Which I’m sure I will slack off again, so I might be starting over multiple times on this journey. And you know what….so what?! Life is good! My life is good! I’m happy and that’s what matters most! I’ll see you again in another 3 months. That was a joke. Hopefully.

March 3, 2017
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Working vs. Staying at Home

When I first found out I was pregnant with James I had just recently been promoted to a leadership position at my job. Now THAT was stressful. There was so much to learn and yet so much going on in my personal life because of my pregnancy and I didn’t want any of that to affect my new position. I worried a lot about everything and I had the biggest fear that my water was going to break in the office! HAHA! But none of that happened and everything was fine. I managed and everything went great! Then, after what seemed like eternity James was born and I was off of work for 8 weeks due to delivering via cesarean section and let me tell you, I don’t know how many times I was asked whether I was going to return to work or not. Like really? Is that an option?

For me it really wasn’t. I knew I was returning to work. That was the plan from the very beginning. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to be a stay at home mom to spend more time with James, but with a grown daughter in college, it just wasn’t in the play books!

While I was on maternity leave I counted the days until it was time for me to return back to work. The first weeks I had Adam with me since he was able to take off of work also and that was such a blessing. He was there for me 100% and I don’t know what I would have done without him. This made those first few weeks wonderful but I still worried constantly about returning to work. I worried that I wouldn’t be able to get enough sleep because James would be up 3-4 times a night. I worried that my milk supply would drop since I wouldn’t be able to pump as much while at work. I worried about having James at daycare and having to pick him up after work. I worried about being home with him in the evenings during the week. I worried SOOOO much. About EVERYTHING!

Once I did go back to work, I’m not going to lie, it was hard. I never truly sympathized with my coworkers who had to return back to work after being on maternity leave because I never had to experience this myself. I was a fake sympathizer! What a bastard I was!! Now I feel it. It is hard. I totally understand the feeling of missing your child 9-5. I miss mine so much I don’t know how many times I sneak peaks at my phone just to look at the snapshots I took of James the day before. And when my husband sends me pics of James during the day, whoa what a treat!!

Point is, I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. My scenario is far from unique and being a working mom is not something that has never been done before. I think of all the working moms I know and how they are making it work and it is so comforting to know that we are all in this together. I don’t know how many times I have turned to my fellow working moms with questions or concerns, even if I already knew the answer somewhat. But what a comfort they were. They truly motivate me and make me feel so much better. We all miss our children when we are away, but we are mama bears and we are doing it all for our little cubs.

If you are a new mom and about to return to work my advice is to try not to worry. I know what you are thinking, “YEAH RIGHT”!!! I would say don’t worry at all period but I know that’s pretty much impossible. But in all seriousness, look to your fellow working moms for advice and support. They know best and can totally relate to what you are going through. Another suggestion would be to join a working mom forum. It’s a great place to get other perspectives and can be a great support system for you when you transition back to work!

Being a mom is a job that never ends. It has its ups and downs and is the craziest adventure ride you will ever go on. When you’re a working mom, the adventure ride gets even crazier. But just remember you are not alone and that you are a SUPER WOMAN! And that as working moms, we have each other’s backs!

Is there anything that you do to cope with being away from your little one while you are away at work? Please share them below! I would love to get new ideas!

One other tip I just need to throw in here: If you are able to, hang pictures of your little one up in your work space. I look up into James’s precious little face daily while I’m at work and it always brings me so much comfort.

pic-of-james-at-work

October 8, 2016
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5 Things I Want my Son to Know

As each day passes, I can’t help but to think as I’m looking down at James that he will never be this little again. I get sad thinking that I am one day closer to the day that he will no longer want his mommy to hold him. He will no longer want to play with his toys. He’ll no longer seek comfort from inside his daddy’s arms. He’ll stop sucking his thumb and doing all of the cute little baby things that he does.

It’s sad but at the same time I’m excited to see what the future will bring for our little boy. There’s so much I want for him to see and experience. And so much I want to tell him. So so much! And with time being as precious as it is….I can’t list it all out now. But I can narrow it down….so here are the 5 Things I want my Son to Know.

 

  1. Love Yourself. James, you are so loved. Between me and your father, your sister, your grandparents and all your aunts and uncles….and your fur brother too….you are loved beyond anything you could imagine. But love yourself too, it’s completely ok. As you get older, love yourself enough to do what is best for you. This means taking care of yourself, eating right and exercising. Also, knowing when a situation is disrespecting to yourself and it’s time to walk away. It won’t always be easy, but if you love yourself, that’s what matters. You only have one life on this earth. Make the most of it and love yourself to the fullest potential! Just don’t get full of yourself! There’s a difference!
  2. Don’t be a bully. Treat others as you would want to be treated. There’s nothing more hurtful than to be made fun of. If you see others making fun of someone, don’t join that crowd. Stand up for that person being bullied. They are at their most vulnerable at that very moment. They need someone more than ever. You can be that person to them.
  3. Stand up for yourself. This goes along with #2. I always told your sister, don’t ever bully others. But if someone bullies you, stand up for yourself. Your sister always knew that I would not tolerate her bullying others and that if she ever got caught doing that she would be in big trouble. But if the tables were turned, and she was the one being picked on, I would not get mad at her for sticking up for herself. So James, stick up for yourself if you need to. If you are willing to stick up for others, you should be willing to do the same for yourself if needed. With that being said, it is also important for you to know when it is better to just walk away from the situation. Some times that is needed and that is all you can do.
  4. Nothing is for free, but anything is possible. James, in this life you have to work to get where you want to be. And you have to work hard. Don’t expect handouts. You have to work for the things you want. This might also mean stepping out of your comfort zone. But if you put in the work to back yourself it will all be worth it. Work hard every day with a purpose and a goal. If you do this, anything is possible. The world is at your fingertips and you can make the most of it. Work hard then play hard my boy.
  5. Enjoy life. Life is short. It’s up to you to make the most of it! Live for life experiences, not for material things. Fall in love, get your heart broken, fall in love again, see the world, meet different people, eat different things, enjoy all that life has to offer! Because life is one hell of a ride and you only get one chance at it!

family-looking-at-james

XOXOXO

October 1, 2016
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First Post!!!

I had to use a great deal of strategy to be able to steal away time to write this intro. A year ago, I would have been able to write this whenever I wanted, totally taking my precious time and of course procrastinating as if my life depended on it. Flash forward a year later and every SECOND of free time is treasured as if I were counting down the minutes during my last day on earth. Okay, I may be exaggerating just a teeny bit. But I really used to take my time for granted.

A year ago around this time my husband Adam and I were preparing to move my daughter/ Adam’s stepdaughter Tegan into her dorm for her freshman year in college. I was sooo excited to experience life as an empty nester while still in my thirties. In my head I was even thinking how lucky I was to be able to be free to do whatever I wanted as others around my age were tied down, still in the midst of raising their own children. I imagined myself getting off work and going for drinks with my girlfriends, drinking Cosmopolitans “Sex in the City” style. HA! Well……

On OR table

Literally 3 days after we moved Tegan out, Adam and I were grocery shopping when I came to the realization that Aunt Flow was late for her monthly visit. I told Adam and we bought a pregnancy test. You can probably guess the rest……this girl was preggers!

Newborn James

Funny thing is Adam and I had spent the last couple years trying to conceive. We went as far as each of us going to the doctor to check to see if it was possible for us to even have a baby. We were to the point where we were accepting the fact that we would never get pregnant and we were honestly somewhat comfortable with that. But God had a plan for us…..and his name is Baby James.

Side newborn James

I write this now looking over at the most beautiful baby boy I have ever laid eyes on. I have him in his bouncy seat which I have strategically positioned in front of the television (I feel sooo guilty about this!) with cartoons on so that I can write this. BTW, it’s working…for now!!!!

Tegan and James

Our household has grown by one tiny little person. He has turned our world upside down, making us appreciate things like time, sleep and mommy/daddy date nights. He has taken control of our household as well as taken a hold of our hearts. Adam, Tegan and I have all had our turns rocking him to sleep late at night, cradling his little body in our arms and holding him close. He has brought this family closer than it has ever been before and I look forward to what the future brings.

Daddy and James

Since James has come into my life I have a newly found obsession with anything baby and mommy related…..thus the creation of this platform. I want to be able to share a piece of my life with you all as well as share all of the little tidbits of information that I have found valuable during this journey of mine. I hope you enjoy. I have to go now. The “bouncy seat in front of the television” strategy is no longer working! ☺

Hello World

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August 18, 2016
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