Starts and Stops and Starts and Stops and Starts and Stops

Already I feel like a failure as I type this…….

I just knew that this would happen. I knew I would let life take over and, you know, put the blog on the back burner. I knew it and in my head I warned myself over and over and over….but mommy didn’t listen. Eeeek I’m so disappointed in myself.

It all started during the holidays. I kept telling myself “you need to write, you need to write, you need to write!” But I let the stress of the holidays get the best of me. I was so worried about doing my little man’s first Christmas right all the while worrying about getting Christmas right for everyone else in my life. I would be lying to say if it wasn’t a tad bit overwhelming for me.

To add to the mix, James ended up projectile vomiting all over my parent’s dining room floor on Christmas Eve. Or was it Christmas day…. damn I don’t remember! But whatever day it was…. he had what Adam and I term as a “polterJames” aka projectile vomit that looks like the stuff right out of a really bad 80’s low budget horror movie. I remember thinking “What the hell is this?!?!” Even though I had a similar experience with Tegan when she was a wee little one.

Ok now I remember, this happened on Christmas Eve.

So, later that evening when we were back home, another polterJames happened. And then another. Then James spiked a fever. Oh! And James wasn’t keeping any of his food down. So…. guess what, we took James to the Children’s hospital. On Christmas Eve. It was the saddest thing I ever saw. All these adorable little children in their Christmas PJ’s waiting in the ER. James would have had his Christmas PJ’s on too but on top of the polterJames and fever, he was also having explosive polterJames out his rear. Poor kid. All of them. Poor kids.

So, to make a long story short, let’s just say that we didn’t leave the hospital until 4am in the morning and we probably didn’t get to sleep until around 5:30’ish that morning. And like all little children on Christmas Day…. James just couldn’t let his parents have their Christmas wish and sleep in.

So, there’s that.

Fast forward a week.

It’s time for me to start back with my classes. I was working on my MSN/MBA, taking online classes with a college that I shall refrain from naming. And did you notice, I used the word “was”. Let me tell you what happened……

It was the first week of classes. Like any good student, I was eager to get started. So, I don’t know if any of you have ever taken an online class before but usually the first week of class includes introductions. Mine went something a little like this…. “Hi everyone! My name is Melinda and I’m a nurse from Ohio!” Blah blah blah blah……nothing to it. Mindless crap about myself, right?! Well, after my introduction post I went to start on my first actual assignment…..thaaaaaaat was due that night. And you can scold me all you want for procrastinating…but this **it’s hard when you’re home alone in the evening with an infant! As I started to begin working…the little boy I had thought I put to bed decided it was time to scream and cry like never before. Immediately I told myself, I can’t do this …. better not even try…. You’ll start, won’t be able to finish and then fail. Why is my inner voice such a Debbie downer???

I decided to drop the class.

So, to make another long story short, let’s just say that when I called to drop the class I was told I would be charged a 10% fee for participating in the class, no if’s, ands, or buts. I was livid. And when I get angry, sometimes I let my mouth get the best of me. In this situation, it did. I ended up telling the poor innocent girl on the other end of the line that I no longer wanted my name on their roster because I didn’t want to be associated with a money hungry school like there’s. I also demanded that they remove the 10% fee and that I speak with her manager. At that point I was told that my only option was for them to have the manager call me back and I instead suggested voice mail, in which I was transferred to, and in which I let my mouth get the best of me even more. If by some twist of fate that person is reading this…. I’m sorry…it was all out of frustration. But I still don’t want to be a student at your school!

So now I am no longer a grad student. I feel good about it too. I’ve found another program that I am much more interested in from a school with a much better reputation so once I feel I’m at a good spot with James I will apply. And I’ll be even happier because it will be better. Kudos to me!

Soooooo……what else?

Oh, I know! Two more ear infections for James! One of those times he was prescribed Augmentin. Ugh! That was awfulness in a bottle. My poor little man. He hated it with all his little might. He fought Adam and I so hard every 12 hours when his 5ml’s of pure nastiness was due. And on top of that his little bottom was so red and sore from the number this stuff did on his bowels. To be specific, what the number “2” did to his bowels. Thankfully, the last round of antibiotics James received for this most recent ear infection was not nearly as bad. Poor little boy.

I know I could write more. But my mind is going blank now. So much has happened and I’m exhausted. That’s why I am just now typing this. I literally feel exhausted. I have thought long and hard about this. And even though I have disappointed myself…. I’m not going to beat myself up over it. Life is full of ups and downs. That’s why it’s called life! So, I’m going to try harder to stay on top of my writing. I do enjoy it, I really do. And I need to do this for myself. Let this be a lesson to myself. If you fall…don’t let it define the rest of your path. Just start over! And you know what…. you can start over as much as you want! Which I’m sure I will slack off again, so I might be starting over multiple times on this journey. And you know what….so what?! Life is good! My life is good! I’m happy and that’s what matters most! I’ll see you again in another 3 months. That was a joke. Hopefully.

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